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Having a restricted or modified diet can leave you feeling alienated and lonely. It’s hard to look forward to social situations that involve food. If you find yourself avoiding social situations because of your diet, it might be time to sit with this.
My suspicion? Its possible that you are insecure in how to best advocate for yourself. And there’s no shame in this! Whether you’re newly gluten free, a restricted diet, or have been managing for years, this is one of the hardest skills to learn.
It can be a painful skill to develop. Let’s explore shall we?
Firstly… I want to say that our brains can be mean. They can tell us just the worst stories… and then we act on those stories like they are a matter of fact. And they’re not.
One story that our brain likes to offer is “I don’t want to be a bother to anyone“, and to develop this even further… “If I bring up my diet, ask questions, or don’t eat what’s served I’m going to be a bother to everyone“.
Have you ever felt that? It sucks. Like seriously sucks. You truly start to feel sad and alienated.
Since you’re feeling sadness before even going into this social situation you’ll naturally respond in particular ways. Maybe you’ll find a reason not to attend. You may justify that people don’t want you there anyway, that it may be easier if you just don’t attend.
Perhaps you’ll stay silent and hide any of your concerns. This could cause you to take risks and eat something you shouldn’t out of pure guilt and shame. Suffering the consequences later.
The more you get sick at social occasions, the more likely you are to avoid these situations all together. Your feelings of sadness and alienation will increase.
When its all said and done, you’re going to miss out on so many special moments, and the people who love you and care about you are going to miss out on the opportunity to have you there for those moments too!
This sounds all around terrible doesn’t it? But this the natural result of believing that you are being a bother and not advocating for yourself.
Your mindset around personal health and safety is your own. You control this. If you have been offering yourself limiting beliefs, you can work toward building a more constructive mindset. You can learn to advocate for yourself, and thrive.
How do we turn this around? Ask yourself… what other options could there be? How else could you view this other than that you’re bothering people? There are many answers you could offer… (the only one that you’re not allowed to answer is “I don’t know” – “I don’t know” is not a productive answer)
What if they aren’t bothered? What if they are ok with you not eating their food, and just being there for the company? What if that doesn’t bother them at all?
What if they would rather be part of the solution than part of the problem? What if they are open to hearing from you what being part of the solution looks like? (This could be just letting you bring your own meal, or it could be having you ask questions about ingredients and prep)
Turn the table around… how would you treat someone else in your situation? Would you be curious to know how you could help? Would you feel bothered? Would you regret inviting them? Would you be open to learning how to best support them? What do you feel your friend or family member would deserve?
Now, let’s seriously ask this question… if someone else is deserving of care and consideration, then why are you not worthy of the same? Why not?
You are worthy. You are loved. You being at these special events contributes to experiences and memories. You don’t want to miss these. Your people don’t want you to miss it. And I hope you believe this to be true… because it is.
If the thought “I’m a bother” shuts you down…. let’s choose a new thought for our brain to mull over. Something a little less extreme and leaves us open to the possibility of having fun… cuz fun sounds good right?
Let’s choose something that is believable… because if you can’t believe it, its not going to be helpful at all.
Examples of new thoughts :
- I can protect myself in social situations
- I am learning to protect my health in social situations
- My friends and family want me there
- My health matters to me and to my loved ones
Instead of feeling sad and alienated, when we choose one of these thoughts I hope that it feels a little lighter. Perhaps it allows you to feel hopeful, that you can learn to navigate situations. Or maybe it allows you to feel peace, openness or included.
Coming from a more hopeful mindset, you’ll find yourself more open to making a plan (and maybe a backup plan) for the event, you may find opportunity for educating everyone involved (including yourself), you may also learn to fully appreciate the experience beyond the food aspect.
Advocating for yourself will develop self sufficiency, and confidence. This will continue to grow in time!
It doesn’t mean you’re going to get it all right the first time, or the second time, or the third time… but you will continue to learn more coping strategies, and you’ll get better and better the more experience that you have.
You are not a bother. You are loved. You and your loved ones all deserve to have you present for the big and small moments in life. Each day is a gift, and I hope you’re living yours to the fullest, even with food restrictions.
You’ve got this!
Even though we’re working to develop a new thought, don’t expect that the other thought is going to go away. Its still going to be there. But maybe now you can recognize it for what it is when it pops up… maybe now you can recognize it as a story. A story that is not serving you. A story that is preventing you from living your best life. When you recognize the story, then it loses some power. Because you realize that you have the power of choice.
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